How to Deal With Bullies: What to Do if You're being Bullied?

No parent likes to think about their child being bullied or, even worse, being a bully, but the fact is, more than half of all children are involved – either as a perpetrator, victim, or witness. So, there’s a good chance you’ll have to deal with it at some point. 

The first step to dealing with bullies is knowing how to recognize when your child is being bullied.

Bullying can exist in many forms: It can be physical (pushing, punching, or hitting), verbal (name-calling or threats), or psychological and emotional (spreading rumours or excluding someone from a conversation or activity). And with the pervasive use of technology, bullying behaviour can occur outside of school hours via emails, text messages, DMs, and even social media posts.

If your child is being bullied, here are things you can do to help them.

1. Create a list of responses.
   Practice phrases your child can use to tell someone to stop bullying behaviour. These should be simple and direct, but not antagonistic: "Leave me alone." "Back off." "That wasn't nice."

   Your child could also try, "Yeah, whatever," and then walk away.

2. Role-play "what if" scenarios.

   Role-playing is a terrific way to build confidence and empower your child to deal with challenges. You can role-play the bully while your child practices different responses until they feel confident handling troublesome situations. As you role-play, teach your child to speak in a strong, firm voice.

3. Keep an open line of communication.
   Check in with your kids daily about how things are going at school. Use a calm, friendly tone and create a nurturing climate, so they aren't afraid to tell you if something's wrong. Emphasize that their safety and well-being are important and that they should always talk to an adult about any problems, even problems that they think are "small" ones.

4. Build your child's confidence.
   The better your child feels about themselves, the less likely the bullying will affect their self-esteem. Encourage hobbies, extracurricular activities, and social situations that bring out the best in your child. Tell your child the unique qualities you love about them, and reinforce positive behaviours that you'd like to see more.

5. Encourage your child to be an up stander.

   When your child sees a friend or another student being bullied, he or she becomes an up stander (rather than a passive bystander). Ask with your child about how it feels to have someone stand up for them, and explain how one person can make a difference.

What steps can be taken to stop Bullying?

Ultimately, it's up to parents to help young children deal with a bully. Help them learn how to make smart choices and take action when they feel hurt or see another child being bullied, and be ready to intervene if necessary. Here are a few actions you can take.

• Report repeated, severe bullying.

  • If your child is reluctant to report the bullying, go with them to talk to a teacher, guidance counsellor, principal, or school administrator. Learn about the school's policy on bullying, document instances of bullying and keep records, and stay on top of the situation by following up with the school to see what actions are being taken. Here are some tips on ways of talking to teachers.

• Partner with your child's school.

  • Communicate with your child's school and report bullying incidents. Though more schools are implementing bullying prevention programs, many still don't have enough support or resources. Learn how to start anti-bullying and anti-violence programs within the school curriculum.

• Contact the bully's parents.

  • Getting parents involved is the right approach only for persistent acts of intimidation and when you feel the parents will be receptive to working in a cooperative manner with you. Call or e-mail them in a non-confrontational way, making it clear that your goal is to resolve the matter together.

If your child is being bullied, remind them that it's not their fault, they are not alone, and you are there to help. It's important for kids to be able to identify their feelings and know that you want to hear about them so they can communicate what's going on. So practice and be a role model. Talk about your feelings and help them identify their feelings in everyday situations.

Are you getting bullied? Don’t know who to talk to? Here are some of the lists you can contact for help:
National Bullying Helpline
Anti-Bullying Alliance
Bullying Directory
Kidscape
Familylives
NSPCC